The Perfect Marriage?? -- Chapter 1

Ok so I know I should introduce myself and tell you a bit about me to help get this story going but I’m kind of busy at the moment. You see tomorrow I am flying home to the UK with my three kids and hopefully my husband. So in typical fashion I haven’t started packing yet, my youngest is eight months old while my other two are 5 years old and three years old. Lucky enough for me their aunt (my best friend) is watching them for me. You see I haven’t actually been back to the UK in about eight years and haven’t seen my parents or friends in about six and a half years. I am mega nervous for this trip.

  I know your probably wondering where my husband is. Well that’s where it gets complicated. My husband is really busy with work; he is an actor, very well known one at that. He does his best but the thing is he’s kind of missed our kid’s lives. If I’m being honest I’m kind of a single parent and it’s amazing that we actually have three kids.

 Ok I have got this far I might as well continue to explain. My name is Elizabeth Waters and my husband is Michael Waters. He is an actor, producer and even directing now. I am immensely proud of him but I wish he was home more often. When we started dating nine years ago it was rocky and like all relationships we had our ups and downs. He lives in California whereas I’m a born and breed English girl from a town called Southampton. We moved kind of quick in our relationship, I mean after a year I choose to move to America as soon as I got a visa that is. I want to say that Michael wasn’t my only reason to move but he was a big part of my decision. I mean I was twenty one and I wanted to see more of the world, I wanted to be a writer and I felt the best way to do this was go out and see places so they could inspire me. Obviously part of my story is fairytale like, I moved my best friend out which turned out great when she hit it off with Michaels twin brother Eric, who owns his own company. It was a double wedding that was every girls dream and I mean that. We honeymooned in Hawaii. Well Eric and Izzie (my best friend) did, me and Michael kind of had a week before he had to start work there.

  I knew from the outset that Michael loved his work; he was pretty well known when we met. I guess I just never realised how much it would affect our relationship when we married. I mean I still love him but some times I wonder if he loves me more than his work. After we got back from Hawaii, me two months before Michael, I started working on a novel. A romance novel which would have the fairytale aspect as well as this real life part to it to make sure it wasn’t too far fetched. Although that novel would still be saved on my laptop not finished. Once I got pregnant everything kind of changed. My life became about my baby especially once my son Daniel Eric Waters was born. Then by the time I got to the point where I could possibly work on my novel again I got pregnant with my little girl Lily Rose Waters. Then the same thing happened again I gave birth to my other daughter Isabella Waters, named after her aunt. The only thing that got clear in all this was that Michael and his work were very much attached at the hip. I mean he was there for all the births but Daniels football matches got missed. First it was the odd match then it was Lily’s second birthday. Michael is there for every family event but the little events in the middle tend to get missed.

  Anyway back to my trip. This holiday, if you like, has been planned for a few years now. It came around when I realised that I had a niece and nephews at home who I hadn’t meet and parents I missed. Friends I wanted to catch up with. People I generally missed and hadn’t really seen since my wedding six and a half years ago.  So I rang my parents and said I’m going to come visit, then that lead to phone calls to my big sister and little brother as well as my friends. I mean I had managed to stay connected with them all via social networking sites, but as you can probably imagine it was difficult with time zones.  Now I am two days away from flying out with my three kids and I have packed only Lily’s suitcase. She was the easiest person to start with.  Anyway back to packing I think I have filled you in on a lot but I can tell you more later.

  I walked into Daniels room and saw all of the items I had placed on his bed ready to go into his suitcase. Lucky enough for me I went around and put everything on the beds so all I had to do was actually put it in the suitcase. I started to place items into Daniel’s black suitcase when my mobile rang. I fished it out of my back pocket and wedged it between my shoulder and my ear so I could continue to pack.

“Hello,” I said kind of distracted and remembering that I forgot to check who was calling.

“Hey beautiful,” I heard the familiar sound of my husbands voice reply. We talk regularly but not as much as I would like since he travels all over the world to film, again difficult to do with time zones.

“What’s up sweetie?” I asked trying not to concentrate on what I would do if I had my husband with me at that moment in time. That was one thing about me and Michael, every time we saw each other it was like no time had past. We also seemed to make up for lost time in the little time we have together.

“I’m all good babe can’t wait to see my lovely sexy wife when I get home though. I’ve missed you,” Michael said knowing exactly what he did to me when he said things like that. When I was still living in England we talked a lot on the phone and over the years we have managed to be able to read each other by how we say something.

“I’ve missed you too. When do you come home??” I asked not remembering the date he told me a couple of nights ago but to be honest my mind was preoccupied with thoughts of my husband and my upcoming trip back to the UK.

“Liz I told you I will be home tonight,” for once my husband’s voice made me freeze. I know this is going to sound weird but if he came home tonight I was going to be in hell on the plane to the UK. Over the years I have tried so hard to explain to the kids exactly where Michael is when they say ‘Where’s daddy?’ but it gets hard. I know in my heart that Michael is a good dad but I can’t stop seeing the hurt in Lily’s face or Daniel’s face when I explain that daddy is working. I tell them every night that daddy loves them but it’s not the same and it never will be. It’s come to a point where I dread them seeing him. I know I know that is horrible things to even think but I can’t stand to see the hurt in their faces when Michael decides he has to go somewhere to make the next big movie. I hate having to explain to our kids that daddy is too busy with his career to teach Daniel to play football or read Lily a bedtime story or even hug Bella. Luckily their Uncle Eric has stepped in for a lot but sometimes they just want their dad. I have run out of lines to use to explain why daddy isn’t around anymore, so lately he isn’t mentioned in conversations. Daniel doesn’t even ask about him anymore, he just talks to his uncle or me. Lily is just a mummy’s girl and has stopped asking after Daddy at three. I guess that kind of puts things into perspective more. I always thought that when I would have kids I would want the Dad to make an effort but somehow, that isn’t quite what I got. Guess that is why they call them dreams.

  In the mirror I can yell and say this well practised speech over and over about how Michael needs to start putting his career second and put me and our family first.  However every time I see him, the speech never comes out. I either don’t have the courage or I can’t do it because I love him too much. I know I said it was a family trip to the UK but I never actually thought he would make it. I know ye of little faith but there was talk about him not being able to make it.

“Liz you still there?” I hear my husband ask in my ear and realize that I actually haven’t said anything to him.

“Sure am. I guess this means you are going to make it to the UK with us. That’s brilliant,” I say finishing off Daniel’s case to move onto mine, Bella’s and Michaels.

“Actually babe I need to talk to you,” Michael says stopping me from staring the next suitcase.

“Don’t do this to me, Michael. You promised a family trip, it’s been on the cards for years, booked for months,” I say trying not to get too upset at Michael for doing the thing I expected him to do again. I guess I just hoped that for this one time he would prove me wrong. That just this once a family trip would include him. That just this once our family would come first instead of his work.

“I’m sorry sweetie but the movie I was going to produce needs to be brought up or we will lose it,” Michael explains but I don’t really hear him. I mean to me it’s just another excuse of why he isn’t going to be there.  Over the years I have managed to control my voice when he does this.

“So what you’re going to come home for one night. Get the kids hopes up and disappear again leaving me to pick up the pieces. For the millionth time,” I say trying so hard to control my feelings and not let him show much this hurts.

“I have no choice Liz and it’s not quite the millionth time, being a little dramatic aren’t we?” Michael says and I continue to hold in my anger though I’m not sure how long its going to last.  I am sick and tired of picking up the pieces and distracting my kids from their missing father. He comes home and the kids get all hyped up and excited to see him and then he leaves and I can see the disappointment in their eyes.

“There is always a choice Michael but you always pick your career and never your family. Your family needs you, we need you Michael. I need you. It’s not me being dramatic, it’s you losing count of how many times you haven’t been there for us,” I say not trying to hold out the hurt. I mean what was the point he wasn’t going to show up again. This routine had happened too many times for me not to know how this was going to end.

“Liz I thought you would understand, this is my dream. When we married you knew how it was going to be,” Michael said making another load of excuses and this time I couldn’t stop it. I snapped. Everyone had their limit and I had reached mine.

“No Michael I don’t know how it is. My dream is still on my computer, unfinished. I knew you were going to be busy when we married but I figured you might stop to help me raise our kids but you didn’t if anything it got worse. I’m practically a single mother. Yes you pay for things but the money isn’t a substitute for love and it never will be. Money can’t help me when the pressure of raising a five year old, a three old and an eight month old get to me. Money can’t help me explain to my kids where daddy is when he isn’t there for Daniels first football match or Lily’s first sentence. Money doesn’t stop the tears at night when I realise that you are no longer the man I married and I want him back. I want my husband back, the one who wanted to raise a family with me but then again that sounds like the guy I first met rather than my husband. I want that guy back, the guy who said he wanted me to sleep in his arms every night for the rest of our lives. The guy who knew that I wanted my dream as much as he wanted his, the same guy who promised that we could have it all,” I stopped talking to try and control the tears that were falling down my face.

“Liz I’m still that guy,” Michael said and it was felt like he was someone I didn’t know anymore. The truth is I no longer recognised my husband.

 “That’s the thing you are no way that guy any more. I think that is half of the problem. You’ve changed so much over the years and some how in the race to become number one in your life. Your career won and your family lost. I lost.  I have tried to put on a brave face for the kids but I don’t know if I can do it anymore. I use to be able to see our future but I can’t anymore and it makes me wonder if we still have one,” I said leaning against the wall in my bedroom and sliding down to hug my knees with one arm. The tears were flowing freely now and somehow saying all of this just helped so much. It felt like a huge weight was being lifted, my future seemed like it was becoming clearer but it didn’t involve Michael anymore. I wanted him to be a good dad and my kids to grow up with a father but I can’t see it working if his family is always going to be second best.

“Look Liz I know things are different now. I have to get on my plane to come home. We can talk about it all when I come home,” Michael said thinking the conversation was going to end there.

“That’s just it. We never talk about it because I never want to. I never want to spoil the few days or hours I have with you before you leave again but its different now. I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this. I think it would be best if you didn’t come home tonight, I wouldn’t want to get the kids worked up before we leave tomorrow” I said feeling like my heart was getting ripped in two.

“Liz, listen to me. I am going to be there in about four hours, and then we can talk. We are in no way done. I love you but I really have to go,” Michael said but for me it was too late, I knew we wouldn’t talk if he came home. We never did.

“That’s the thing Michael I don’t think there is anything left to say. You are all about your career and that doesn’t fit in with the family life. Maybe this trip to the UK has come at a good point. It will give me and you a chance to think. Think about whether our marriage actually has a future anymore. Whether we really want to stay married anymore.  Time for you to decide if you still want a family,” I said trying to conceal the pain in my voice of my heart breaking. When we got married I couldn’t imagine my life without him, now I was facing a reality where that could be my future.

“Elizabeth my feelings for you haven’t changed and they will never change. I want you and our family. I will do anything, I can change. We can work this out,” Michael begged.

“That sounds nice but we both know it will not last. It will last a couple of months and I will get use to it. Then the next once in a lifetime movie opportunity will come along and we will be back to the beginning again. I’m sorry but I can’t do this anymore and I can’t put my kids through it anymore. There comes a time when we have to put the kids first. We were like a fairytale but they never last and I think ours is coming to end of the line,” I said covering my mouth to try and control my sobs. I knew that in time I would become stronger for my kids sake but inside my heart would always be broken. I love Michael with all my heart but the fact of the matter is, my kids have to come first. I can’t stay with someone who simply won’t be there for us.

“Elizabeth this isn’t us done.  You were right maybe the trip to the UK will give you thinking time, time to change your mind. This is not goodbye,” Michael said with so much emotion in his words but I couldn’t see a way forward in our relationship anymore. The future I dreamed for us just didn’t seem like it could be a reality any more.

 “I have to finish packing. Goodbye Michael, I will always love you no matter what. Remember that,” I said not knowing what else to say.

“This is not us done. I promise you Elizabeth, Liz. I love you with all my heart and nothing is going to change. You are my wife until death. I won’t ever give you up. Promise you won’t make any decisions while you are in the UK. Just think,” Michael said trying to control his own feelings.

“Goodbye Michael,” I said and hung up the phone and letting all the tears I held back out. I knew I would have to finish packing but right now I couldn’t think about doing anything except mourning my marriage which personally I didn’t  think it had a future. I mean what future did my marriage have when half of the marriage is in a different time zone.  What future would my kids have if they continued to grow up with an absentee farther, yes Eric was filling in but Izzie had just announced her pregnancy. What future did me and my kids really have in front of us but the question I really wanted an answer to was did our future include the love of my life? Is this really the end of my marriage, Michael talks good game but when it actually comes down to it he doesn’t follow through.  He doesn’t put those lovely, soft spoken words into action. I never thought marriages or family ever had an expiry date but maybe my marriage did.  Maybe it was time to figure out a new future.